Just look at my gorgeous door (and my beautiful daughter):

Check out the porch light while you're at it. I really did have a plan:

Ritualistic sacrifice, family style. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Every time I walk through the door with a watermelon now, I get harassed about what…
You just don't value clean hair enough until you break a limb and aren't allowed to shower for a week. (Almost) one down, seven more to go.…
I think I need a bad fic intervention. I know there's a list somewhere along the lines of "I will stop reading when...." but I seem to…